There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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