once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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