Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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