Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
