Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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