You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize