I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
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Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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