Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
this hospital has no fireball
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
