So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
