Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
