anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
