Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
