why didn't you poke me back
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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