he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
