my vag is so smooth its legendary
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
