the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I woke up under a house in Key West
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