do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
