You can't special order awesome
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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