we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
