I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
