we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
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After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
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He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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