i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
