So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
