So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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