Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
