but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
