and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
