I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
