Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
