OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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