Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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