Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
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beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize