I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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