party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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