upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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