Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
