saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
