why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
