Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
