It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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