Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
