Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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