her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
