She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
