I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
