I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
