that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
