ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
