Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
