you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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