She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
pop tarts are not kleenex
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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