She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This baby is an asshole
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
