No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
