I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
