hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
