wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
