i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
