yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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