Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
