Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My ass is underappreciated
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
