we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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