this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
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my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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