once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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