Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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