My room smells like vodka and shame
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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