Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
