how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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