Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
