my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
