bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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